Mother and Daughter


Can You Pick Your Family or Are You Stuck with What You Have?


The answer is an absolute YES! In our lifetime we meet people who become so close to us they feel like family. Case in point, growing up my parents were best friends with another couple.

Evelyn was the wife in the other couple. Since I first have a memory, Evelyn is in it. My sister and I always call her our second mom. She taught me about boys, taught me about God, was there when I had my kids, we have stayed close our entire lives, she was there by my side when my sister passed…the love I feel toward this woman goes beyond any words you could speak.

I have another friend, Cathi. We have been friends almost 25 years. I am closer to her than I ever was to my own sister. She has been by my side through everything as I have done the same for her. We are so close…there just are no words.

I believe that some of us are blessed to have once-in-a-lifetime people come into our lives that God brought to us and that nothing can tear apart. I feel extremely blessed to have two such people. The relationships go deeper than friends or family…they are spiritual.

We are stuck with the family God gave us, but we can choose our friends…and if you get VERY lucky, you get a soulmate…

When we have family members who are destructive to our mental health we need to limit our time with them to holidays. If we have friends who are destructive, we need to get rid of them. And, when you are blessed enough to have an Evelyn or Cathi, you need to do everything in your power to keep them close. Be there for them as often as they are there for you.

A few years ago I ended TWO friendships with women I had been friends with for OVER 30 years. Both friendships had become toxic and I allowed it to linger because I thought, “Who will I hang out with?”  When I finally realized how toxic these relationships had become I ended them. At first I was so sad, I felt such a sense of loss, all the years, the history, raising our kids together, and so on.


After a few months I could feel my spirits start to lift, my soul was at  peace, the drama was gone, and I knew I had done the right thing. I would not trade the years we had back in the day, but if you are growing your friends are either growing with you or you are outgrowing them. If you are outgrowing them be smart enough to realize it and get new friends.

God will bring you new ones, you will have the Evelyn’s and Cathi’s in your life, and you will be just fine.

You can’t do anything about the family you were born into except try to get along the best you can, but you can do something about the people you consider “like family”, but make sure they are worthy to be called such!